The Bathroom Poems

A small turd floats
in the otherwise clean toilet bowl
like a persistent doubt.

* * *

The old guy in the rest stop’s
ultra-modern lavatory takes
a long time zipping up,
stands there looking all over
for something to push.

* * *

I sat on the crapper
eating a sandwich.
Hey, it happens.

* * *

Her brand-new bathroom’s
feng shui is perfect:
the floor-to-ceiling mirror
fogs up immediately.

* * *

In the men’s room at the public library
someone reeking of body odor
moaned & howled with abandon
in the only stall.
I pissed as quietly as I could.

* * *

At the back-to-nature jamboree
hundreds of suburban kids decided
the natural thing was
to go squat in the creek
whenever they had to potty.

* * *

Across from the toilet
in a spider web near the floor
a trapped millipede coils, uncoils.

* * *

If I ever install a composting toilet,
I’ll have to get one of those
New Age desktop fountains with
the little pebbles in it.

* * *

Deconstruction Site

To think they were back there
all that time
someone said

meaning the half-dozen snakes
of three different species
our bathroom remodeling project displaced

but my own thoughts kept dwelling
on that huge nest of razor blades
in the wall where the mirror had been

*

We propped up the roof and ripped
the bathroom walls out
keeping the fixtures intact
so that the shower stall
stood fully exposed
to the breeze and blowing rain
for half that summer

Ah
whatever else might happen
in this lifetime I’ll never have
a better bathroom

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